Knock Knock - New Keanu!

After John Wick I have a feeling we're going to see a Keanu resurgence similar to the McConaissance - so when I caught the end of this trailer and saw Keanu still rocking his Wick look I thought it was another action - but nope.

The Woman In Black: Angel of Death - Movie Review

Who's In It? 

Helen McCrory, Oaklee Pendergast, Jeremy Irvine and Phoebe Fox


What's It About? 

Creepy mute boy with a bowl cut and draws? Check.
Old abandoned house in the country with an old nursery? Check.
Older woman doesn't believe younger woman? Check.
Prettyboy love interest being the only one who believes young woman? Check, check and CHECK.

 Any Good? 

This movie was so obviously drawn up in a boardroom of management types spouting their management spiel and horror buzzwords such as "nursery" or "synergies like creepy kid and nursery". There is absolutely ZERO heart or soul to be found and it kills the atmosphere.It's a real shame because I had some hopes going in.
 
There's nothing spooky at all about this film, it's so old and done that there just isn't a shock factor at any stage, what's a horror film without the shock factor? Kids go to old house. One kid is creepy. Kid communicates with ghost in creepy nursery. BOOM! that thought in your head? That's the entire movie.

My face THE ENTIRE TIME

It's not like there's any actual story, it's just useless exposition and faff from one lacklustre scare to the next, and I use the term scare EXTREMELY lightly. Not only does it follow horror clichés, but it follows love movie ones too - emotionally damaged soldier is the only one who believes Eve (main) and she believes she can fix him. Imagine what happens. The film doesn't even tell you who the Angel of Death is, just adds hints that aren't even interesting enough to speculate on.

I can honestly say this film has just added fuel to the belief I have that all horror movies (non-grindhouse/shlock withstanding) are the same and not worth watching. It has no story, no memorable characters (except for the painfully obvious Damien rip-off) and worst of all; it's just a bunch of old, beaten horses from TWO genres of film. I may be being a little harsh here, so if I can say one good thing about The Woman in Black: Angel of Death, it's that it's certainly a horror movie. Don't waste your time.


Rating: 

Oculus - Movie Review

 Who's in it?

Brenton Thwaites, Katee Sackhoff, Rory Cochrane and Karen Gillan


What's it about?

After Tim Russell (Brenton Thwaites) is released from a psychiatric hospital, his sister Kaylie Russel (Karen Gillen) brings him to their old home to prove that the murder of their mother by their father was not of his own accord, but under the influence of an evil mirror.

Any Good?

This film is a true investment compared to The Conjuring (which I have seen it being likened to a lot today), the beginning actually had me cringing with the terrible script, bad story and Anakin Skywalker being Amy Pond with an American accent's brother. But when it gets to the mirror messing with Tim and Kaylie's heads by making them have extremely convincing flash-backs to the childhood murders and hallucinations it's truly entertaining.  

The ever incredibly beautiful Karen Gillan wasn't actually bad in this, giving a fairly alright performance and showcasing her flawless American accent by successfully acting both confidant yet afraid at the same time. Brenton Thwaites was just plain bad to begin with, but as the film went through the flashbacks he started to improve vastly. Rory Cochraine was great as the possessed Da, snapping at the annoying kids (I do NOT enjoy children - as blubbering actors especially) imprisoning the feral mother like something from Silent Hill 2. 

Listen, I know it's an evil mirror. No, no, I know it's awful at the start with Star Wars II tier acting - but seriously, just sit it out and bear with it, it honestly gets good. It's well worth a watch and is really entertaining, thought provoking and atmospheric once you slog through the tripe at the start. It also has Amy Pond, and that's a reason to pay full price to see any movie, good or bad.

Rating: 

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

Sinister - Movie Review

Who's in it? 
Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance and James Ransone

What's it About? 

Ethan Hawke is a true crime novelist moving to a new town with his young family and struggling with writer's block. The discovery of a box of old movies in the attic of their new home reveals not only has a family been murdered there but there's more than one movie and more than one family that has met a disgustingly grisly end at the hands of a mysterious evil entity. The Pagan deity named Bagul, who uses these recorded images to travel between dimensions and consumes the souls of human children, once you've seen him, he's seen you. 

Any Good? 

In my opinion? Nope. Coming from the makers of The Exorcism of Emily Rose and Paranormal Activity, Sinister was one of the most disturbingly unpleasant films I've had the misfortune to watch and that's from someone who kinda enjoyed Wolf Creek. There's nothing about flashing imagery of families including young children being slaughtered that floats my movie loving boat. 

There are shocks, jumps and genuine scares aplenty and Hawke does a fantastic job playing the beleaguered protagonist but the footage of the murders really rubbed me the wrong way. 
It's the first time in a long time that I actually wanted to leave the cinema, perhaps that's just the Momma in me. 

If you like your horrors pretty horrifying then I can see you loving this. Our late night screening was a mixture of yelps, groans and uneasy laughter with audible relief once the credits rolled. It's honestly one of the most uncomfortable cinema experiences I've ever had. Go have a go if you think you're hard enough. 

Rating:

The Pact - Movie Review

Who's in it?

Caity Lotz, Casper Van Dien and Agnes Bruckner 

What's it About?

Following her mother's death a young woman reluctantly returns to her childhood home at the behest of your troubled sister. On her arrival, however, she finds her sister missing and a sinister presence has taken over their home. 

Any Good?

The Pact, originally released as a short by Nicholas McCarthy to the Sundance Film Festival, and made into a feature once funding was secured on the back of those reviews and accolades, is a mixed bag of horror/thriller and cliché. I'm eager to see the original short, to be honest, so would really appreciate a heads up if it can be found. My spidey senses tell me that in it, we'll be spared the plot holes and drawn out moments of the feature film.