Godzilla - Movie Review

Who's in it?

Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Bryan Cranston and Elizabeth Olsen

What's it about?

When Joe Brody's(Bryan Crantson)nuclear plant in Japan (Kanto I believe) melts down with his wife trapped in the middle, he turns full Julian Assange and starts to investigate the occurrences around it. Flash forward 15 years, he and his son (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) return to the site only to see a Rodan-esque creature escape.

A more accurate poster courtesy of u/soph_dawg of Reddit

Any Good?

This movie is basically just Hurt Locker 2 with a pterodactyl thrown in. The entire film is basically soldiers talking about how the kaiju grows in radiation, how they plan to nuke it (genius!) and then how they plan to disarm this ace-in-the-hole of their's to save San Francisco.

The acting was eh - Aaron Taylor-Johnson (he's Kick Ass dont'cha know?) who's now hella jacked played his family man-jarhead as well as possible, with Elizabeth Olsen playing the struggling nurse during the attacks on San Francisco adequately. Bryan Cranston seemed to really want to act well in this but just couldn't. He was frantic in the beginning, rushing his lines until he came to a speech to the plant owners where you can see his Heisenberg creeping to the fore. Joe Brody just wasn't menacing or powerful enough for him to perform as well as on Breaking Bad.

Also, some big dinosaur thing is in this, I think it might have been Godzilla but I don't know because YOU SEE ANGLED SHOTS OF HIM FOR AT ABOUT 10 MINUTES. Any time you do see Godzilla he's being battered or on his back, then it cuts to more soldier time and it was so aggravating. Not only that, but the two 'important' experts on him just disappear for the whole movie with nothing but cameos, it's ridiculous! 

That being said, Godzilla was goddamn impressive on his own, when we did see him. He was HUGE, they panned a bit up his body a couple times and WOW he was amazing. Even the sound he made was incredible, it was the exact sound from 1962 just remastered, he was perfect, just lacking in screentime (and respect imho). 

If you want to see a Godzilla/Kaiju movie, don't waste your money on this military movie - cutting away from the spectacular star of the show EVERY TIME really made me want to walk out. He's just not in it and the film itself isn't fun. Though the human characters act well, we just don't care enough. Watch Pacific Rim instead, in that it's all Kaiju fight scenes with giant robots and also, it's AWESOME. Another suggestion? Cloverfield is a better movie than this tried to be, this was an attempt to play off the camera tricks of the 2008 sci-fi flick and it fell flat completely, the original is so much better. 

Rating:  

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

Divergent - Movie Review

Who's in it?

Shailene Woodley, Theo James and Kate Winslet

What's it about?

In post-war Chicago, the people behind the Shingeki no Kyojin-esque wall are divided into 5 factions - Abnegation (basically a governing version of Focus Ireland), Erudite (scholars), Dauntless (Police/Army), Amity (Farmers) and Candor (lawyers). Tris takes a mind altering test to find in which she belongs, but finds out she belongs in none; so to avoid suspicion of being Divergent (they're killed on sight) she hides out in Dauntless.

Any Good?

After a week of arguing with my good friend Hasan about it, I was really pleasantly surprised at this movie; I thought it would just rip off The Hunger Games like The Hunger Games shamelessly to Battle Royale, but it turned out to be smarter and not as Twilight-y (yes, I have read the books but..eh).

So, yeah, I'm pretty much a big deal as you can see..

While there is a stupid love-at-first-sight plot-point, the main characters are pretty badass on their own. Eric; the Tom Hardy lookalike DBag teacher is Hardy-Bane worthy, Four is the generic brooding teacher/love interest with some greay moves and Tris is just a more ruthless and clever version of Katniss Everdeen without the bow (not a bad thing, I prefer her!). The plot is a little easy to guess, but it's the little things in the story that I enjoyed. There is great mind-trickery all the way through which I really enjoyed until the stupidly predictable ending.

The acting is just above the usual Summit Entertainment grade, but Kate Winslet was pretty good as the Evil Government. If you're looking for a movie like The Hunger Games that isn't just a re-skinned Japanese thriller and has some originality; this is for you. Having watched this followed by The Raid, I've learned if ever in a fight, GO FOR THE THROAT FIRST!

Rating:

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

The Wolf of Wall Street - Teenage Movie Review

Who's in it?

Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Kyle Chandler and Matthew McConaughey


What's it about?

The Wolf of Wall Street is an adaptation of the Jordan Belfort's autobiography; it follows Belfort build one of the biggest stock brokers in America from almost nothing, all while devolving into a huge drug addict along with his business partner Donnie Azoff.

Any Good?

I had HUGE expectations for this movie ever since I saw the first hint of it early last year, and while it certainly didn't disappoint, it fell just short of my expectations. Now, that's not saying it's bad, the movie was FANTASTIC.

The story was good to begin with, Matthew McConaughey playing the boss of Belfort's boss was excellent in the short time he was in the movie. Watching Belfort drag this penny stock broker to the big leagues was brilliant and watching him train his staff how to con people with lies was hilarious at times. Then came the drugs, there is barely a scene where Belfort or Azoff are sober after this point, the acting is INCREDIBLE, as if they were really tripping off their faces.

The most intense scene I've watched in a long time

I can't overstate that the acting is FANTASTIC. Leo was breathtaking in every scene,and I honestly think if the Academy don't go for Oscar bait then he's the only real competitor to McConaughey's Ron Woodroof. Jonah Hill was equally as good, showing why he should without a doubt be at least an Oscar nominated actor. He acted every single scene, even when not talking and he was honestly my sure winner for the Supporting Actor statue until I saw Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club (review will be up later!). Margot Robbie was great in her role as Belfort's trophy wife, the chemistry between the two was real married couple chemistry and she really shone in her scenes giving out to Leo. 

This was a brilliant movie, a truly Oscar winning performance by both Leo and Jonah Hill make it my hopeful for Best Picture, and also the best con I've ever seen. Belford will make millions from this, and it's certainly worth the money into the cinema to add to this genius' fairly ill-gotten gains to see his story. This is a STRICTLY 18's movie, considering if Scarface and Breaking Bad had a child then it would be bullied by this film for the amount of drugs. Also, orgies. Like, a good 5 or 6 orgies, so, yeah..that..

Rating:  

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

WIN 1 of 2 €50 Cineworld Vouchers!

Afternoon all, can you believe we're already a week into these Giveaways? I certainly can't!

This afternoon's doozy is a pair of Cineworld vouchers to the value of €50 each because I know you peeps love the movies just as much as we do. 

Again entry is ridiculously simple, all I want you to do is share the Eldest Gorgebag's Hobbit review using the new share buttons below the post: 

They look like this: 

The choice is yours in how you'd like to do it, Facebook Like, Tweet etc and for an extra entry you can comment below and let me know which one you chose (though it's not mandatory) 

You can scroll down to his review on this page or hop directly there with this link. 

We'll have two winners to announce on Dec 24th and because they're Cineworld vouchers this one is limited to the Republic of Ireland. 

Best of Luck everyone! 

The Hobbit 2 - Teenage Movie Review

 

Who's in it?

Martin Freeman, Orlando Bloom, Benedict Cumberbatch , Evangeline Lilly and Ian McKellen

What's it about?

The Desolation of Smaug is the story of how the party of dwarves and Bilbo escaped the orcs at the end of the first movie and went on a truly EPIC journey to finally confront Smaug the dragon (He's actually a wyvern, just saying..), and also of Gandalf finally meeting and confronting the Necromancer.

Any Good?

This film was EPIC, in every sense of the word. After the first Hobbit, I was afraid Peter Jackson had lost the magic of the original trilogy by sucking all the action out of the franchise, having forgettable and some outright annoying dwarves take too much screen time, and the huge sin of MAKING THE DAMN ORCS CGI! 

Just..disappointing really

But fear not, this film fixed all of my above annoyances! I HATED Ori in the first film, (he was the childish dwarf with the slingshot) so I was delighted to see much better characters like Kili and (my favourite) Balin get the screen time. Legolas is back, but totally eclipsed by the completely badass Tauriel, when she isn't killing orcs just when needed she's shooting arrows out of the sky while the 'manly' Legolas looks out over a river brooding. Benedict Cumberbatch does a fairly good job voicing the INCREDIBLE Smaug, even if he didn't have the Brian Blessed in him to do the size of the monster justice. Best of all, and now get ready for this... THEY FIXED THE ORCS! There's a couple now that finally are people again, and one even talks!

Zoidberg says it best! 

The acting was great in itself, notably Gandalf letting out Gandalf-y screams as he casts spells bringing me back to playing the Return of the King game, Kili the dwarf being confidant and suave for a 'tall dwarf', and Richard Armitage (Thorin Oakenshield) has thankfully worked on cutting down his use of Christian Bale's Batman voice.

Finally Peter Jackson has returned to the original LotR trilogy form, bringing a movie that could easily rival the Fellowship of the Ring. Great foreshadowing for later to the film and fantastic new characters make this worthy of a watch from an original trilogy fan or a new one, but arachnophobes should be wary; things do get a little Eight Legged Freaks. I'm now unbelievably excited for the final instalment, so much so that I plan on seeing this again in (overpriced) IMAX with a friend this coming week. If you see it tell me what you think in the new, fancy comment section, it really is new and fancy,

  Rating:  

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

Movies I Can't Wait To See

1. The Amazing Spider-Man 

Having just watched the trailer for this today, I think it could be either great or awful. My reasons for that are mainly based on two of the villains, Electro and The Rhino. I grew up watching (and still do) the truly AMAZING Spider-Man cartoon of the 90's and these guys had fantastically campy costumes. It was green tights with yellow underpants and a ridiculous star-electricity-thing on his head instead of some Static Shock style transformation for Electro, and the Rhino was a big thug in a (rubber?) rhino costume that was stupid and didn't have a new edgy metal suit in the trailer. I get the movies are going for a Warg style human/animal hybrid thing and having recently watched Sideways I know that Paul Giammati is absolutely incredible (Jamie Foxx, not so much..) but straying too far from the original story could really ruin it.

2. Warcraft

It appears that more information on the much anticipated Warcraft movie was released on the 4th, but it seems to a lot of World of Warcraft and original Warcraft lovers that it may be too late after a string of repetitive expansions for the online game; but not for me! I've not played WoW for a while, but after buying a (on-sale!) Razer Naga I thought it was time to jump back in and test this baby in it's proper environment, and what better news for someone like me than news on the movie of Warcraft. I still play Warcraft 3 when my friends and me are at LAN cafés, and this movie certainly has my hopes up to tell stories like how Arthas became the Lich King or the Horde vs. Alliance War properly. Oh, and for the record, FOR THE HORDE!

3. Anchorman 2

It's almost here everybody!!! Will Ferrell seems to have morphed into Ron Burgundy, even going as far as actually being an anchor on a Canadian news channel. While Anchorman is by far my favourite comedy, for some reason all this forceful advertisement doesn't bode well in my eyes, meaning that Anchorman 2 will need to be as good, if not better than the original or it will be branded as bad and a huge let down.

The Eldest Gorgebag

Day Of The Doctor - A Teenage Whovian's Review

Who's in it? 

Matt Smith, David Tennant, John Hurt and Billie Piper


What's it about?

The War Doctor (John Hurt) steals 'The Moment', or (as Whovians will know it as) Bad Wolf. When contemplating using The Moment to destroy Gallifrey, along with all the Time Lords and Daleks, the Bad Wolf opens a time rift to the two most recent Doctors (David Tennent and Matt Smith) to see the effect it will have on his conscience. 

Any Good?

The story was great, and while it does take a second to understand its no Looper, but the smartest science moment for me ended in being pawned off as a cheap joke and it was a huge disappointment to see how such a good opportunity wasted.

Having three Doctors together was not just a gimmick, the actors played off each other well but some of the lines felt like they forgot they were all the same character. Some moments they had perfect harmony in even body moments, but that was mainly between Tennant and Smith's Doctors.

Classic Doctor (and fellow Eccleston)fans will be happy to see all of the incarnations do make a couple of appearances with a certain classic one making a huge cameo as himself. Even Capaldi's 13th Doctor makes a cameo, even if it's just his eyes at his TARDIS control panel. 

Great acting, great jokes, and a great story make a fantastic Doctor Who and even standalone movie with only one or two down points. I recommend watching it even if you're not a Whovian as it might convert you and if it won't it's thoroughly entertaining on it's own.

Rating:

The Day of the Doctor: Tomorrow's the DAY!

See that up there? That there has had my heart racing for about two months now, and even though I failed in my quest to watch 5 and a half seasons of Dr. Who in a week (Dammit college!!) it won't stop me going absolutely crazy to see this!!

The Day of the Doctor is finally here, and it's going to be magnificent. It has Tennant returning, it has Billie Piper returning, and it looks INCREDIBLE! Finally it seems all Whovians will now see the darker side to the Doctor, the side that seemed to be a part of Eccleston's and was hinted at by Tennant's, and it looks like the Bad Wolf will make a return!

Peter Capaldi (an OSCAR winner) will take over the reigns as the 13th Doctor, and looking at his track record and the expectation of what his incarnation will be it should be fantastic! Sadly my personal favourite Doctor, Eccleston, won't be in this, but just watching that trailer has me counting the hours till I can go to the cinema and watch the new Doctor's repressed life come to light in 3D!

As you can probably tell by this ADHD-like post and everything ending in an exclamation mark, I'm DYING to see this and I'll be watching as much Dr. Who as I can fit in between now and 7:50 tomorrow in preparation for the show. So everybody get your screwdrivers, get your oversized scarves, and get ready to meet the new Doctor! I'm off to find a victim to drag with me, but I will have a review for it ASAP!

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag

Don Jon - Movie Review

Who's in it?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore, Tony Danza and Glenne Headly


What's it about?

Jersey guy Jon (JGL) is called 'Don Jon' by his two closest friends for one reason; every night he goes out he brings home a different girl. When he meets Barbara (Scarlett Johansson), it's love at first sight and he even agrees to give up his one true love - porn - to keep her.

Any Good?

Don Jon is an odd one for me, when I first watched it (while skyving off college working) I found it clever and funny but on reflection I realise how good a movie it is. The story is actually pretty smart and slick (if a bit predictable), but the real talent of JGL wasn't even the acting, it was the directing.

The opening sequence was brilliantly shot, even if it was porn clips. It was big, loud and flashy ending in a screen full of DONJON, and it really set the mood for the film. The directing of Jon's weekly routine was excellent as well, the same occurrences over and over but each with different random encounters, each more interesting.

He knows what he's doing, and does it well

All parts, and more importantly accents, were executed perfectly, especially Scarlett Johansson's - she may as well be a Jersey girl it was that good. While her and JGL's chemistry did have it's moments, Jon and his father Jon Snr. (Tony Danza) was incredible. In one scene they go from literally about to start windmilling at each other to laughing when the (excellently acted by Glenne Headley) manic mother told them both to shut up and sit down. Julianne Moore was fantastic - she was that one of the night class Jon took (you all know a that one, don't lie)

I actually can't remember if this is a scene or not

JGL looked great as Jon, a ripped, tan, hair slicked back Jersey boy douche, while Tony Danza was like an older version, just as ripped and tan. I've never been that into Scarlett Johansson, but to use Jon's own words, she is a DIME. But even then, Julianne Moore isn't to be outdone because she herself looked damn fine as Esther as well.

Great new romcom story, fantastic acting and even better directing make Don Jon to be a truly lovable film, even if predictable. If you're not on the Joseph Gordon-Levitte bandwagon yet you should be, and after this film you may very well find yourself looking for a seat aboard. I love any feedback on the review or movie itself, so drop a comment below or on Facebook/Twitter, I read them all and love it. 

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag 

Rating:  

Thor: The Dark World - Movie Review

Who's in it? 

Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins and Christopher Eccleston

Bad Grandpa - Movie Review

Who's in it?

Johnny Knoxville, Spike Jonze and Jackson Nicoll 


What's it about?

When Billy's mother goes to prison for drug offences, Johnny Knoxville's Irving Zisman character from Jackass must drop his Grandson, Billy, (Jackson Nicoll) off with his deadbeat Dad who lives across the country. 

Any Good?

The thing you need to know before going to see Bad Grandpa is that it is NOT a Jackass movie. It's like someone took a film like Borat, removed most of the funny parts but tried to maintain the 'outrageous' qualities that Borat had.

Having watched Jackass 2, 3 and 3.5 on Netflix with de maaaaaa recently (she totally loves them by the way), when I seen a new Jackass movie I was delighted. I don't know what it is about Jackass, but it just seems to be funny to me no matter how stupid the stunts are. Now, Irving was always my least favourite parts of any Jackass, but when Bad Grandpa opened with the dickhouse logo I felt like it might actually be something I'd enjoy, but sadly the whole Jackass 'feel' ends there.

It didn't even have the disclaimer

While there was a few honest laughs in the movie (you'll know them when you see them), I found it unfunny and just a little try hard-y. It was like the movie couldn't decide if it was actually a part of Jackass, or if it was a real movie and this really annoyed me for some reason. It would switch camera types randomly in the movie from hidden cam to movie cam and this was truly off putting for me, if you're making a Jackass movie make a Jackass movie and not a weird hybrid. I had a feeling a lot of the 'encounters' with normal people were staged, as overacted voices and obvious glances down the camera were everywhere.

I think they played SHATNER

I honestly didn't like it at all, and while I didn't find it funny I can understand why other people would. It's crude, vulgar and over-the-top but it sadly isn't Jackass and that really let it down for me. My funniest part of the night was walking out of the cinema and going full politician mode avoiding the question "What did you think?" when talking to the guys from Click on camera and freezing when trying to think of a favourite part of the movie only to have the lovely lady conducting the interview save me by naming one of the more 'outrageous parts' (If, you're reading this, thank you!!)

The (sigh) Eldest Gorgebag

  

Rating:

The Smurfs 2 - Movie Review

Who's in it?

Hank Azaria, Neil Patrick Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Katy Perry  and  Jonathan Winters


What's it about?

The film follows the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria; or how you would probably know him as most of the character's voices in The Simpsons) and his evil Smurf Naughties as they kidnap Katy Perry's Smurfette and consequently attempt to glean the secret formula to making the grey Naughties into true blue Smurfs, meanwhile Papa Smurf accompanied by Grumpy, Vanity and Clumsy try to rescue her.


Any Good?

After about a half-week of saying 'I'll have no part of the promotion of this crime against film!!', The Smurfs 2 really did surprise me. It was well written, funny, had fantastic voice acting, and a mix of NPH and Brendan Gleeson which seemed just too good to be true but really did shine as their chemistry together made the step-father/son relationship truly believable.

Excuse me while I squeedgy my brains off the window..

The humor was mostly pun-based, and Maaaa Cherry LOVES puns, so listening to her groan in delight next to me only added to the laughs that already were coming from the so-bad-they're-great puns onscreen. The best character of all thought had to be Vanity Smurf, more than once Maaaa and myself turned to each other and said 'Yup, that's Adam' when he was musing in the mirror to his reflection.

Brendan Gleeson was hilarious, he was great as Corndog King and Patrick Winslow's (NPH) step-father Victor Doyle. He really put on the Irish charm and kept on repeating The Doyle Men in reference to himself and Winslow much to the latter's annoyance, and even when he got ducked up by Gargamel (Azaria) he just got funnier in relation to just his personality and puns.

As the film gets on NPH and Brendan Gleeson's acting gets more emotional and serious, and is supported well enough by Jayma Mays' wife of NPH's character's wife, Grace Winslow. It is here that NPH and Gleeson's chemistry really shines, their serious conversations are genuinely touching even if they are so cliched it should be awkward.

Tied with Jennifer Laurence for hottest woman in Hollywood (Don't even try to argue)

Overall I was impressed by the acting as a whole, NPH was a bit shaky to start for me but really did grow into his part, Brendan Gleeson made up for the horrors he inflicted on me in the form of studying Caca Milis for the Leaving, and Hank Azaria was like a child's version of Moe Sizlack which, even appearing to be dumbed down, was still funny; especially when arguing with his smartarse CGI cat who was hilarious in his own right. The voice acting was really fantastic, Katy Perry was really a surprise to me in how well she actually voiced Smurfette in relation to her awkward part in a Simpsons episode before. All the Smurfs were well voiced, as were their grey counterparts, but Papa Smurf really did put across his emotions and the animation matched them to a tee. 

Sorry, I just couldn't resist those eyes, could you?!

All in all Smurfs 2 is a solid film, it has good puns and humor, a great cast, fantastic voice acting but it just wasn't for me really. Nan Cherry adored this, and even stayed awake the whole time (which as I mentioned before is a rare occurrence) but that's second hand information so I'm a bit skeptical if it's true. Both Nan and Maaaaa will murder me for this rating but bear in mind that 5 is an awkward number to rate from because the low sounding 2.5 cherries is half, but I honestly wasn't as invested as I was. The film is entertaining and the 3D is excellent, but as Maaaa herself quite rightly put it in the car today 'you wouldn't go to see it if you didn't have children with you', and for me it was truly a film that is better to rent than pay full plus in the cinema for the 3D as it's not worth the extra cost. And if you rent it you can tell the clerk that you're renting it for your kids and they won't give you the weird looks and make it awkward like turning up to the cinema alone only to sit among families with young children.

Rating:

Sorry for the odd cherries this week, our PC has decided we didn't use Internet Explorer enough or some ridiculous reason and refused to connect to the internet so I had to improvise 2 and a half cherries and that's the best I could do folks, I'm doing all I can to fix the PC problem!! As usual, I love to hear  what you thought of the film or general musings from you on Facebook, Twitter and in the comments,

The (sigh..) Eldest Gorgebag